Authoritative Parenting

The main types of parenting are: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and helicopter parenting.  In my textbook: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer and Lauer defines each of the types as the following: “Authoritarian parenting is the approach to exercise maximum control and to expect unquestioning obedience. Children may perceive such parents as rejecting and as refusing to give them any autonomy. Parent-child interaction is not the give-and-take of a developing relationship but the giving of orders by a superior to a subordinate. In case of infraction of the rules, discipline is likely to be both severe and physical.

Permissive parenting is the approach to minimize any control. Children are encouraged to make their own decisions and develop their independence with few or no parental constraints or guidance. Parent-child interaction may consist of parental acceptance and approval of whatever the children decide to do.

Helicopter parenting is the meticulous attention paid to children in an effort to protect them from any harm or failure. Such behavior inhibits the child’s need to become a responsible adult who can make mature decisions and learn from his or her own mistakes.

Authoritative parenting is to put boundaries on acceptable behavior within a warm, accepting context. Children are likely to perceive such an atmosphere as one that encourages their autonomy, controls their behavior moderately, and allows them to express their opinions and develop their own decision-making ability. Parent-child interaction is generally characterized by affection, a certain amount of give-and-take, but relatively clear expectations for the children’s behavior.”

From what I have learned in class and from the things I have read and seen about the subject, I believe the best parenting style is authoritative parenting.  The textbook supports this by saying: “the authoritative parenting style is associated with the maximum well-being of children. Children can survive an authoritarian or permissive parenting style, but they are unlikely to thrive. Instead, they are prone to develop attitudes and behavior that are detrimental both to high-quality interpersonal relationships and to their own physical and emotional well-being.”

I also saw this throughout my life as I grew up. I was the second oldest of five children, and with being one of the oldest I also was in some respects a guinea pig for my parents. I remember when I was really young my parents tended to use more of an authoritarian parenting style. They would tell my older sister and I what to do, without very many options, and if we disobeyed we were punished, not terribly harsh, but be sent to our rooms or have privileges taken away. My younger self did not appreciate this at all. I was a very stubborn child and did not like being told what to do, or being punished if I did not do it. As I grew up, my parents gained a lot more experience and realized that they needed to be more flexible, within reason, and give my siblings and me more options. For example, I remember really liking being able to pick what chores to do, instead of just being given a specific one I had to do. They also asked my siblings and me more about our thoughts on things, and invited us to help determine the consequences to actions as part of our family rules. Overall, as my parents changed their parenting style from more of an authoritarian to a more authoritative parenting style; I became a happier, more obedient child, who turned out okay, if I say so myself.

When I became older I did a lot of babysitting, and most of the kids I babysat for had parents who used a more permissive style of parenting. One reason most of them did this is because they felt guilty that they had to leave their kids since they worked a lot, and when they did interact with their kids they wanted to be the favorite parent; more of their buddy or friend. This did not help their kids at all. I saw a lot of these kids develop problems from the lack of healthy boundaries and discipline being present in their lives. I would warn against this parenting technique because children need parents to be their parents and not just a buddy or friend. They need the guidance that can only be given from an active parent that wants the best for their children, and not just what is easiest for the parent. This may mean the parent may come out looking like the “bad guy” for a while, which is a big reason why some parents choose not to make and enforce boundaries and rules. However, I feel that disciplining in love and kindness, showing love in word and action, and spending quality time with their children, that stigma will not last forever and their children will end up grateful for their efforts to teach them to be responsible, hard-working, loving, righteous citizens and parents themselves.

Women Can Still Be Stay at Home Moms

In today’s society there is a negative image given, at least from what I have seen, about stay at home moms.  Stay at home moms are seen as being held back from their full potential. It’s my belief that being a stay at home mother can be very fulfilling, as well as important for children as they grow up.

                Sometimes, people think a woman is giving up her opportunities in life to become more intellectual, when she is a stay at home mom. Dennis Prager, a radio show host, expounds more of this in his article called: Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop. In it he states: “To suggest that children benefit from having a full-time parent -- which will usually be the mother -- is, in the eyes of the dominant intellectual culture, equivalent to advocating suppression of women and "swapping their brains for a mop." The left views full-time homemakers as individuals who, because of patriarchy and other nefarious forces, have abandoned their minds to the lowest intellectual activity the human being can engage in: homemaking. Being a full-time homemaker, mother and wife is the left's vision of hell.” He replies to this by continuing to say: “Lest the latter seem a self-serving suggestion, there are many other opportunities for full-time homemakers to broaden their intellectual horizons: recorded books and a few television networks, for example. And if a woman can get help from grandparents, neighbors, older children or a baby sitter, there are also myriad opportunities for study outside the house -- such as community college classes, book clubs, etc. -- and for volunteer work in intellectually more stimulating areas than most paid work.” The full article can be found here: http://www.dennisprager.com/columns.aspx?g=8e8f6ecd-d9c8-4bc0-a4bb-ad12d301044b&url=does_a_full-time_homemaker_swap_her_mind_for_a_mop

 So adding to what Prager was saying, there are plenty of ways for stay at home moms to engage in intellectual activities. Like he said there are educational shows to watch, radio shows, good books, etc. I know personally that while I am at home alone cleaning, I would for example watch some TV while doing dishes, or listen to the radio while doing other household chores, like laundry. Also, even the busiest moms need to take time out for themselves, and while they do that they could be reading an educational book. Another thing that comes to mind is helping children out with homework. Educational curriculum is changing constantly, and helping out our children sometimes means relearning or maybe learning some things for the first time. I know I was helping my sister out with some math homework while I was home, and I had to review how to do those specific problems, even though I had learned it once before. In a way, a mom re-goes through school with her children.

                 I also believe that stay at home moms play a vital role in their children’s lives. In my textbook: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer and Lauer, it says: “Unfortunately, there is more evidence of negative than of positive effects for outcomes of maternal employment. A study of third- and fourth-grade children whose mothers worked during the first year of the children’s lives reported that they, compared to children whose mothers were not employed, had less tolerance  for frustration, more behavioral problems, and were more likely to be named by their peers for hitting others and “being mean”. There is also a slower rate of cognitive development (such as lower vocabulary scores) when mothers work during the first three years. Muller (1995) examined national data and found that children perform better on achievement tests when mothers are either employed part-time or not employed. A study of eighth graders reported that those who had to care for themselves for 11 hours a week or more because of parental work reported more anger, stress, and family conflict than others. And Baum (2004) reported that adolescents whose mothers had recently gone to work experienced a decline in their grades.”

These are just a few examples of some of the studies that have been done, showing some of the things that happen when a mother is employed. Obviously, sometimes mothers have to work, especially single mothers, but sometimes it can be avoided. For the women out there who believe they have to bring in a second income for their family to survive, there might be another way. Staying at home: How to downsize from dual to single income is an article I recently read, about a couple where the woman decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom.  They made some changes so she did not have to work anymore and they could still stay afloat financially. The full article can be found here: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765556846/Staying-at-home-How-to-downsize-from-dual-to-single-income.html?pg=1

I know that personally, having a stay at home mom was a blessing to me. I always was grateful that my mom was there when I needed her, and always willing to help me out. I know that when I grow up, I want to be able to emulate my mother’s example and be there for my kids as much as possible, and being a stay at home mom is one way I want to do that.