Authoritative Parenting

The main types of parenting are: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and helicopter parenting.  In my textbook: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer and Lauer defines each of the types as the following: “Authoritarian parenting is the approach to exercise maximum control and to expect unquestioning obedience. Children may perceive such parents as rejecting and as refusing to give them any autonomy. Parent-child interaction is not the give-and-take of a developing relationship but the giving of orders by a superior to a subordinate. In case of infraction of the rules, discipline is likely to be both severe and physical.

Permissive parenting is the approach to minimize any control. Children are encouraged to make their own decisions and develop their independence with few or no parental constraints or guidance. Parent-child interaction may consist of parental acceptance and approval of whatever the children decide to do.

Helicopter parenting is the meticulous attention paid to children in an effort to protect them from any harm or failure. Such behavior inhibits the child’s need to become a responsible adult who can make mature decisions and learn from his or her own mistakes.

Authoritative parenting is to put boundaries on acceptable behavior within a warm, accepting context. Children are likely to perceive such an atmosphere as one that encourages their autonomy, controls their behavior moderately, and allows them to express their opinions and develop their own decision-making ability. Parent-child interaction is generally characterized by affection, a certain amount of give-and-take, but relatively clear expectations for the children’s behavior.”

From what I have learned in class and from the things I have read and seen about the subject, I believe the best parenting style is authoritative parenting.  The textbook supports this by saying: “the authoritative parenting style is associated with the maximum well-being of children. Children can survive an authoritarian or permissive parenting style, but they are unlikely to thrive. Instead, they are prone to develop attitudes and behavior that are detrimental both to high-quality interpersonal relationships and to their own physical and emotional well-being.”

I also saw this throughout my life as I grew up. I was the second oldest of five children, and with being one of the oldest I also was in some respects a guinea pig for my parents. I remember when I was really young my parents tended to use more of an authoritarian parenting style. They would tell my older sister and I what to do, without very many options, and if we disobeyed we were punished, not terribly harsh, but be sent to our rooms or have privileges taken away. My younger self did not appreciate this at all. I was a very stubborn child and did not like being told what to do, or being punished if I did not do it. As I grew up, my parents gained a lot more experience and realized that they needed to be more flexible, within reason, and give my siblings and me more options. For example, I remember really liking being able to pick what chores to do, instead of just being given a specific one I had to do. They also asked my siblings and me more about our thoughts on things, and invited us to help determine the consequences to actions as part of our family rules. Overall, as my parents changed their parenting style from more of an authoritarian to a more authoritative parenting style; I became a happier, more obedient child, who turned out okay, if I say so myself.

When I became older I did a lot of babysitting, and most of the kids I babysat for had parents who used a more permissive style of parenting. One reason most of them did this is because they felt guilty that they had to leave their kids since they worked a lot, and when they did interact with their kids they wanted to be the favorite parent; more of their buddy or friend. This did not help their kids at all. I saw a lot of these kids develop problems from the lack of healthy boundaries and discipline being present in their lives. I would warn against this parenting technique because children need parents to be their parents and not just a buddy or friend. They need the guidance that can only be given from an active parent that wants the best for their children, and not just what is easiest for the parent. This may mean the parent may come out looking like the “bad guy” for a while, which is a big reason why some parents choose not to make and enforce boundaries and rules. However, I feel that disciplining in love and kindness, showing love in word and action, and spending quality time with their children, that stigma will not last forever and their children will end up grateful for their efforts to teach them to be responsible, hard-working, loving, righteous citizens and parents themselves.