Relationships and Dating

This week in class we talked a lot about dating and relationships. The first thing we talked about, is some of the difficulties that can lead to problems in a relationship, such as: culture clash, having ideas of different gender roles or family roles, having different experiences, having ideas of different rules for a family or the relationship, and not knowing each other very well. We also talked about what different things can play a role in meeting someone and being interested in them.  If two people are in the same social circle; this usually plays a role in meeting each other and being comfortable around them. Also, being from around the same place can have an impact.  Geography, jobs, and physical attraction all play a role in whom you end up with.

 The three things that make a date, a date: it being planned, being paired-off, and it being paid for (should be by the guy). The interesting thing in class was we discussed how making men do these three things, prepares them for their future jobs in families, which are: Preside, Protect, and Provide. Out of the three, planned correlates with presiding, protecting correlates with being paired off, and paid correlates with providing.  Our teacher also talked about how if a guy lacks in one or more of these areas while dating, it usually is a good indicator that things will not change once he is married.

            Another thing we talked about was the steps of progression of a relationship, which are: dating, courtship, engagement, and then marriage. One thing I really enjoyed from our discussion was the explaining of the Know Quo. Know Quo are the three things that build a healthy relationship. They are: Time, Talk, and Togetherness. Talk means you talk about meaningful things and engage in mutual self-disclosure. Mutual means you both contribute, and it shouldn’t be one sided. Finally, togetherness is more than just hanging out; you need to engage in a wide variety of activities.  Not every date should be watching a movie, or just doing one thing. Dating should include a wide variety of activities; you get to see how they would handle different situations. Also we talked about the Relationship Attachment Model that Van Epp; the author of How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk, came up with. It involved five different components: know, trust, rely, commit, and touch.  We talked about how sometimes we are too quick to touch and commit, and that can be dangerous. Touch is a powerful thing; it can make someone feel close to someone really quickly, before you get to know them for who they really are.  Another useful tip is, do not rely on someone, more than you trust them, or you will most likely to be let down. If you want to know more I would encourage you to research it more yourself, it’s really insightful and helpful. This link describes in more in detail. http://mylifeamplified.com/2011/08/relationship-attachment-model/

The last little topic I found interesting, was cohabiting: 60-80% of people cohabit before marriage.  One reason people cohabit is, they think it’ll test the relationship and see if it would be worth getting married. The problem with this is couples who cohabit are shown to be at a higher risk for problems and breakups, exhibit poorer marital problem-solving skills, have a higher rate of infidelity, and are far more likely to perceive the possibility of divorce than those who do not cohabit before marriage.  Married couples have a lot of advantages compared to cohabiting couples: they usually have a better-quality relationship, rates of violence are lower compared to cohabiting couples (women are 9 times more likely to be killed by a partner in a cohabiting relationship than in a married relationship), have less health problems and better health behavior, greater happiness, less depression, higher levels of commitment in the relationship, better relationships with their parents, they are more stable and durable, spend less on alcohol and tobacco, and  spend more on education compared to cohabiting couples. They also reported a more satisfying and healthier sex life than cohabiting couples.