Authoritative Parenting

The main types of parenting are: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and helicopter parenting.  In my textbook: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer and Lauer defines each of the types as the following: “Authoritarian parenting is the approach to exercise maximum control and to expect unquestioning obedience. Children may perceive such parents as rejecting and as refusing to give them any autonomy. Parent-child interaction is not the give-and-take of a developing relationship but the giving of orders by a superior to a subordinate. In case of infraction of the rules, discipline is likely to be both severe and physical.

Permissive parenting is the approach to minimize any control. Children are encouraged to make their own decisions and develop their independence with few or no parental constraints or guidance. Parent-child interaction may consist of parental acceptance and approval of whatever the children decide to do.

Helicopter parenting is the meticulous attention paid to children in an effort to protect them from any harm or failure. Such behavior inhibits the child’s need to become a responsible adult who can make mature decisions and learn from his or her own mistakes.

Authoritative parenting is to put boundaries on acceptable behavior within a warm, accepting context. Children are likely to perceive such an atmosphere as one that encourages their autonomy, controls their behavior moderately, and allows them to express their opinions and develop their own decision-making ability. Parent-child interaction is generally characterized by affection, a certain amount of give-and-take, but relatively clear expectations for the children’s behavior.”

From what I have learned in class and from the things I have read and seen about the subject, I believe the best parenting style is authoritative parenting.  The textbook supports this by saying: “the authoritative parenting style is associated with the maximum well-being of children. Children can survive an authoritarian or permissive parenting style, but they are unlikely to thrive. Instead, they are prone to develop attitudes and behavior that are detrimental both to high-quality interpersonal relationships and to their own physical and emotional well-being.”

I also saw this throughout my life as I grew up. I was the second oldest of five children, and with being one of the oldest I also was in some respects a guinea pig for my parents. I remember when I was really young my parents tended to use more of an authoritarian parenting style. They would tell my older sister and I what to do, without very many options, and if we disobeyed we were punished, not terribly harsh, but be sent to our rooms or have privileges taken away. My younger self did not appreciate this at all. I was a very stubborn child and did not like being told what to do, or being punished if I did not do it. As I grew up, my parents gained a lot more experience and realized that they needed to be more flexible, within reason, and give my siblings and me more options. For example, I remember really liking being able to pick what chores to do, instead of just being given a specific one I had to do. They also asked my siblings and me more about our thoughts on things, and invited us to help determine the consequences to actions as part of our family rules. Overall, as my parents changed their parenting style from more of an authoritarian to a more authoritative parenting style; I became a happier, more obedient child, who turned out okay, if I say so myself.

When I became older I did a lot of babysitting, and most of the kids I babysat for had parents who used a more permissive style of parenting. One reason most of them did this is because they felt guilty that they had to leave their kids since they worked a lot, and when they did interact with their kids they wanted to be the favorite parent; more of their buddy or friend. This did not help their kids at all. I saw a lot of these kids develop problems from the lack of healthy boundaries and discipline being present in their lives. I would warn against this parenting technique because children need parents to be their parents and not just a buddy or friend. They need the guidance that can only be given from an active parent that wants the best for their children, and not just what is easiest for the parent. This may mean the parent may come out looking like the “bad guy” for a while, which is a big reason why some parents choose not to make and enforce boundaries and rules. However, I feel that disciplining in love and kindness, showing love in word and action, and spending quality time with their children, that stigma will not last forever and their children will end up grateful for their efforts to teach them to be responsible, hard-working, loving, righteous citizens and parents themselves.

Women Can Still Be Stay at Home Moms

In today’s society there is a negative image given, at least from what I have seen, about stay at home moms.  Stay at home moms are seen as being held back from their full potential. It’s my belief that being a stay at home mother can be very fulfilling, as well as important for children as they grow up.

                Sometimes, people think a woman is giving up her opportunities in life to become more intellectual, when she is a stay at home mom. Dennis Prager, a radio show host, expounds more of this in his article called: Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop. In it he states: “To suggest that children benefit from having a full-time parent -- which will usually be the mother -- is, in the eyes of the dominant intellectual culture, equivalent to advocating suppression of women and "swapping their brains for a mop." The left views full-time homemakers as individuals who, because of patriarchy and other nefarious forces, have abandoned their minds to the lowest intellectual activity the human being can engage in: homemaking. Being a full-time homemaker, mother and wife is the left's vision of hell.” He replies to this by continuing to say: “Lest the latter seem a self-serving suggestion, there are many other opportunities for full-time homemakers to broaden their intellectual horizons: recorded books and a few television networks, for example. And if a woman can get help from grandparents, neighbors, older children or a baby sitter, there are also myriad opportunities for study outside the house -- such as community college classes, book clubs, etc. -- and for volunteer work in intellectually more stimulating areas than most paid work.” The full article can be found here: http://www.dennisprager.com/columns.aspx?g=8e8f6ecd-d9c8-4bc0-a4bb-ad12d301044b&url=does_a_full-time_homemaker_swap_her_mind_for_a_mop

 So adding to what Prager was saying, there are plenty of ways for stay at home moms to engage in intellectual activities. Like he said there are educational shows to watch, radio shows, good books, etc. I know personally that while I am at home alone cleaning, I would for example watch some TV while doing dishes, or listen to the radio while doing other household chores, like laundry. Also, even the busiest moms need to take time out for themselves, and while they do that they could be reading an educational book. Another thing that comes to mind is helping children out with homework. Educational curriculum is changing constantly, and helping out our children sometimes means relearning or maybe learning some things for the first time. I know I was helping my sister out with some math homework while I was home, and I had to review how to do those specific problems, even though I had learned it once before. In a way, a mom re-goes through school with her children.

                 I also believe that stay at home moms play a vital role in their children’s lives. In my textbook: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer and Lauer, it says: “Unfortunately, there is more evidence of negative than of positive effects for outcomes of maternal employment. A study of third- and fourth-grade children whose mothers worked during the first year of the children’s lives reported that they, compared to children whose mothers were not employed, had less tolerance  for frustration, more behavioral problems, and were more likely to be named by their peers for hitting others and “being mean”. There is also a slower rate of cognitive development (such as lower vocabulary scores) when mothers work during the first three years. Muller (1995) examined national data and found that children perform better on achievement tests when mothers are either employed part-time or not employed. A study of eighth graders reported that those who had to care for themselves for 11 hours a week or more because of parental work reported more anger, stress, and family conflict than others. And Baum (2004) reported that adolescents whose mothers had recently gone to work experienced a decline in their grades.”

These are just a few examples of some of the studies that have been done, showing some of the things that happen when a mother is employed. Obviously, sometimes mothers have to work, especially single mothers, but sometimes it can be avoided. For the women out there who believe they have to bring in a second income for their family to survive, there might be another way. Staying at home: How to downsize from dual to single income is an article I recently read, about a couple where the woman decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom.  They made some changes so she did not have to work anymore and they could still stay afloat financially. The full article can be found here: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765556846/Staying-at-home-How-to-downsize-from-dual-to-single-income.html?pg=1

I know that personally, having a stay at home mom was a blessing to me. I always was grateful that my mom was there when I needed her, and always willing to help me out. I know that when I grow up, I want to be able to emulate my mother’s example and be there for my kids as much as possible, and being a stay at home mom is one way I want to do that.

The Importance of Communication

     To have a successful marriage, a couple must have good communication between one another. One way to do that is improving your listening skills. In our textbook: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer and Lauer, it says:

“Psychiatrist Karl Menninger once wrote that listening may be even more important than talking: “I believe listening to be one of the most powerful and influential techniques of human intercourse.” Indeed, good listening has been found to be important in all kinds of relationships, from preserving the dignity of the elderly to satisfaction in married couples. Note that we said “good” listening, because there are various ways we can listen to others, not all of which are helpful to effective communication.”

Later in the chapter, they give six ways you can improve you listening skills:

1.    “Take the initiative in communication. Unfortunately, we tend to think of listening as a passive activity. But effective listening has to be active. You have to look at your partner and concentrate on what he or she is saying. You need to watch the nonverbal cues and listen to the words carefully and strive to understand exactly what he or she is trying to communicate. It is also helpful to respond to various things with noncommittal remarks such as “I see,” or “That’s interesting.”

2.    Resist distractions. The distractions may be in the environment, such as noise in the home, or they may be in your mind, such as preoccupation with some problem or concern. In either case, you must consciously decide to put aside the distractions for a while and focus on what your partner is saying.

3.    Control your emotions and your tendency to respond, before your partner is finished. It is important to resist the tendency to interrupt, just completely hear your partner out.

4.    Ask questions and rephrase to clarify your partner’s meaning. In effective listening, questions are used not to cast suspicion on motives (“Are you saying that just to annoy me?”) but to get clarification (“Are you saying then that you are really hurt because I was late?”). Effective listeners are particularly aware, of the value of rephrasing what the other has said. Rephrasing is done to clarify, to check for accuracy, to check for feelings, or simply to show interest and understanding.

5.    Make use of the speed of your thoughts by summarizing. We think faster than we can speak. You can make use of this by periodically summarizing what your partner has said. It is important that you use your thinking, not only to formulate responses, but also to summarize.  In an effort to understand exactly what your partner is getting at.

6.    Practice. You can enhance your listening skills by practicing with everyone, not merely your intimate partner. The more you try to be an effective listener with people, the more skill you will gain and, we might add, the more you will enhance the quality of your relationships.”

     Another statement from the book that shows the value of communication in marriage, says:

“Satisfying communication is essential for a healthy marriage. When a national sample of married people 40 to 50 years of age was asked about areas of desired change, one of the more frequent things desired was improved communication. Satisfying communication is so crucial because it facilitates the growth of both marital satisfaction and intimacy. Couples that are satisfied with their relationship, who define their marriage as a happy one, and indicate high levels of intimacy, also report satisfying patterns of communication. In fact, satisfying marital communication, can act as preventive medicine for some marital ills.”

This statement fully shows the importance of having good communication with your spouse to have a healthy marriage.

     I am not married yet, but in my own personal experience I find that the relationships I value the most are the ones that I have experienced the best communication in. It especially makes a huge difference if I feel that they really listen and try to understand my point of view on things. For example, just today one of my old roommates was in town and came by and saw me. We could only talk for about an hour before she had to leave, but in that hour, I had the best conversation I’ve had in a long time. Honestly, as I look and think back, that is one of the highest reasons I value her so much as a friend. She always conveys understanding while she is listening, and trusts and confides in me things that are important to her.

     The book also gives a list of items that makes marital communication more satisfying and effective, the more often the spouse does these things:

·         “Discuss the way they will spend their income.

·         Discuss their work and interests with each other.

·         Express their feelings to each other.

·         Avoid saying things that irritate each other.

·         Have pleasant mealtime conversation.

·         Listen to each other.

·         Perceive that they are understood by the other.

·         Support each other.

·         Communicate affection and regard.

·         Avoid the silent treatment.

·         Confide in each other.”

     Overall, there a lot of different things that makes a marriage successful and healthy. One of the most vitals things is effective, satisfying communication between a couple. 

Family Crisis

     This week in class we discussed family crisis and coping mechanisms. From our discussions I have found that there is strong evidence that family crisis can strengthen families when dealt in the right way. I believe it is vital that families learn effective coping strategies to deal with any family crises that should happen. Every family should make a goal to become a resilient family, or one that can resist disruption in the face of change and cope effectively with crises. In my textbook: Marriage and Family the Quest for Intimacy by Robert H. Lauer it explains that, “The strengths that help make a family resilient include the following:

·         Accord, or relationships that foster problem-solving and manage conflict well.

·         Celebrations, including birthdays, religious days, and other special events,

·         Communication, both beliefs and emotion.

·         Good financial management.

·         Hardiness, which includes commitment to the family, the belief that family members have control over their lives, and the sense that the family can deal with all changes.

·         Health, both physical and emotional.

·         Shared leisure activities.

·         Acceptance of each member’s personality and behavior.

·         A social support network of relatives and friends.

·         Sharing routines such as family meals and chores.

·         Traditions that carry over form one generation to another.

Families that have worked at developing these strengths will be in a position to deal effectively with stressors and with crises.”

      So if families tried to work on these things, and improve them, it will better help them be prepared to deal with family crises. The textbook also listed the tools for effective coping, they listed: “

·         “Take responsibility-take responsibility for yourself and your family, do not deny or avoid the problem or blame others.

·         Affirm yours and your family’s worth- believe in yourself and in your ability to deal with difficult situations.

·         Balance self-concern with other-concern.

·         Learn the art of reframing- reframing is redefining the meaning of something, is a way of changing your perspective on a situation. It isn’t the situation that is changed but the way that you look at it.

·         Find and use available resources- every family has numerous internal and external resources to which it can turn in a time of crisis.”

     Another thing I found that I really love was on a website and it explained some ways to help diffuse a crisis. The first thing it listed was active listening. It said: “Active listening is perhaps the most important technique for defusing a crisis. For many families in crisis, active listening may be all that is needed to restore family functioning. Active listening with families may involve:

·         Encouraging the expression of feelings;

·         Acknowledging the real loss or tragedy experienced by a family;

·         Reflecting feelings expressed by the family;

·         Normalizing the family's reactions;

·         Conveying acceptance of the family, but not of destructive behaviors; 

·         Reframing family statements or behaviors to emphasize the positives;

·         Focusing on the "here and now";

·         Confronting inconsistencies in family statements or behaviors in tactful ways;

·         Clarifying a family's priorities among many issues; and

·         Summarizing and bringing closure to emotional topics.”

If you want to read more the website is http://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/hslc/tta-system/family/Family%20and%20Community%20Partnerships/crisis%20support/homelessness/famcom_fts_009545_091705.html

     Unfortunately, every family will have its hardships and challenges to overcome. These things can either bring a family closer together, or tear them apart. I know that if we strive to implement the things mentioned above into our families, we will be fostering healthy relationships, and preparing our families for the troubles ahead.

Whose Teaching Your Children About Sex?

I think that it is vitally important that parents should teach their children about sexual intimacy instead of just letting school and others teach them. In a changing world more and more things are being taught to the youth in schools that in the past would not have been acceptable or allowed.  It is more critical now to take an interest and to monitor what our children are being taught.  One example of what children are being taught on this personal subject is from some curriculum now being taught in the New York public school system. In an article “Mandatory Sex Ed Details May Be Too Racy for Parents: Report”  it explain some of the new curriculum including: “ Workbooks for older students direct them to a website run by Columbia University, which explores topics such as sexual positions, porn stars, and bestiality. The lessons explain risky sexual behavior and suggest students go to stores to jot condom brands and prices.” Here is a link if you want to read the entire article http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/mandatory-sex-ed-curriculum-new-york-city-public-schools-132404248.html?dr . I was shocked by reading this. I personally do not want my children, especially at a young age, to learn about these things without me there explaining my own beliefs.  A commentary from this article echoed my beliefs in the statement: “Such policies violate parents’ rights, whether they are Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, or of no religion at all.”  If you want to read this entire article here is a link: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/19/opinion/does-sex-ed-undermine-parental-rights.html?_r=2&

            I know that some parents would rather leave it up to others to explain sexual intimacy because they do not know how to themselves, or just feel awkward about it. I know it can be awkward, but it is so important that we are teaching our children our personal beliefs on the subject, then someone we hardly know. If you want some resources to help, one really great resource is called “A Parent’s Guide.” It’s a pamphlet put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that gives some helpful guidelines and tips on how to teach children about this personal topic. It also gives examples of things to teach at different ages. It’s worth giving a look at no matter what religion you belong to. It can be found here:  http://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng       

 

            I feel it is important for parents to have an open relationship of trust with their children and talk candidly about personal things as well as other things in a private, safe environment. This will ultimately help the child feel more willing to ask questions about all topics, including sex, with their parents. I do want to clarify however, that a parent does not need to share intimate details of their own sex life with their children in the process of explaining sex. If they will include their feelings about how special, sacred and natural sex is and why it is important to abstain from sex before marriage, I feel the child will be more likely to have a healthy sex life after marriage.

Early Years of Marriage

This week we talked a lot about the early years of marriage. The first thing we talked about was how some tasks of early marriage correspond with the elements of a great wedding. The first example was    learning how to make decisions as a team and the corresponding element of a great wedding is mutually deciding the wedding details together, and not just one person making all of the decisions and doing all of the work by themselves.  Another thing was establishing expectations, and in your wedding to be practical and realistic about things like budgeting and how much you can really afford to do.  We also discussed establishing joint ownership; everything is not just mine and yours, but ours. Setting clear boundaries, and being self-supporting together.

 I really enjoyed discussing the topic of early marital adjustments. There can be a lot to get used to and adjust to at the beginning of a marriage. In class we came up with a list including: distribution of responsibilities, lifestyle changes (like eating and sleeping), budgeting, mutual decision making, social circles, establishing family boundaries (this includes what is allowed with in-laws), accommodating schedules, and physical intimacy.  One great quote Mr. Williams said in class was, “In marriage you should care at least as much about what you want as your spouse wants.”

A great topic we got to read about was the baby blues. We read a power point that described some of the hardships that can come from having a baby, and the impact it can have on the relationship. I think it is so important for both parents to feel fully engaged during the whole life of the child, including the pregnancy for a healthy relationship.  Five things a wife can do to fully engage her husband before, during, and after the delivery of their child are:

First, include him in all of the special moments of the pregnancy.  She can take him to all of her doctor appointments, let him feel kicks and other baby movements, take him to any special parenting classes she may be taking, etc.  These things are very important, and doing them together can bring a couple closer.

Another thing she can do is talk with him about the things they want or changes that will happen after the baby is born and make a plan. This is important because talking about and thinking through the changes that will occur can prevent feelings of surprise or anger if things end up going differently than expected.  She can assure him that although things may change and she will be busier and have to devote a lot of her time to the baby, that she still loves him and will support him to the best of her abilities.

Third, she could let him know how much he will be needed in the delivery room.  It’s important that she not make it just a mother, grandmother moment, but a special mom and dad moment when the baby is brought into the world.  If circumstances permit, ask the doctor if he can cut the umbilical cord (if he wants to), and hold the child shortly after birth, thus helping encourage bonding of father and child.

Next, she could involve him in the adjustment period after they bring the baby home.  She should always make an effort to include him in the special moments of their child’s life.  If he is away at work or gone, she could call him, or take pictures or shoot videos of the special moments; like first words, steps, and the funny, silly little things babies do.

Finally, she should try to make sure their relationship is strong, and not just her and the baby’s.  She could do this by going out on planned dates with him, making sure communication is strong, telling him how much she loves and appreciates him at least once each day, greeting him with a kiss when he comes home, and doing small acts of kindness for him. 

Relationships and Dating

This week in class we talked a lot about dating and relationships. The first thing we talked about, is some of the difficulties that can lead to problems in a relationship, such as: culture clash, having ideas of different gender roles or family roles, having different experiences, having ideas of different rules for a family or the relationship, and not knowing each other very well. We also talked about what different things can play a role in meeting someone and being interested in them.  If two people are in the same social circle; this usually plays a role in meeting each other and being comfortable around them. Also, being from around the same place can have an impact.  Geography, jobs, and physical attraction all play a role in whom you end up with.

 The three things that make a date, a date: it being planned, being paired-off, and it being paid for (should be by the guy). The interesting thing in class was we discussed how making men do these three things, prepares them for their future jobs in families, which are: Preside, Protect, and Provide. Out of the three, planned correlates with presiding, protecting correlates with being paired off, and paid correlates with providing.  Our teacher also talked about how if a guy lacks in one or more of these areas while dating, it usually is a good indicator that things will not change once he is married.

            Another thing we talked about was the steps of progression of a relationship, which are: dating, courtship, engagement, and then marriage. One thing I really enjoyed from our discussion was the explaining of the Know Quo. Know Quo are the three things that build a healthy relationship. They are: Time, Talk, and Togetherness. Talk means you talk about meaningful things and engage in mutual self-disclosure. Mutual means you both contribute, and it shouldn’t be one sided. Finally, togetherness is more than just hanging out; you need to engage in a wide variety of activities.  Not every date should be watching a movie, or just doing one thing. Dating should include a wide variety of activities; you get to see how they would handle different situations. Also we talked about the Relationship Attachment Model that Van Epp; the author of How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk, came up with. It involved five different components: know, trust, rely, commit, and touch.  We talked about how sometimes we are too quick to touch and commit, and that can be dangerous. Touch is a powerful thing; it can make someone feel close to someone really quickly, before you get to know them for who they really are.  Another useful tip is, do not rely on someone, more than you trust them, or you will most likely to be let down. If you want to know more I would encourage you to research it more yourself, it’s really insightful and helpful. This link describes in more in detail. http://mylifeamplified.com/2011/08/relationship-attachment-model/

The last little topic I found interesting, was cohabiting: 60-80% of people cohabit before marriage.  One reason people cohabit is, they think it’ll test the relationship and see if it would be worth getting married. The problem with this is couples who cohabit are shown to be at a higher risk for problems and breakups, exhibit poorer marital problem-solving skills, have a higher rate of infidelity, and are far more likely to perceive the possibility of divorce than those who do not cohabit before marriage.  Married couples have a lot of advantages compared to cohabiting couples: they usually have a better-quality relationship, rates of violence are lower compared to cohabiting couples (women are 9 times more likely to be killed by a partner in a cohabiting relationship than in a married relationship), have less health problems and better health behavior, greater happiness, less depression, higher levels of commitment in the relationship, better relationships with their parents, they are more stable and durable, spend less on alcohol and tobacco, and  spend more on education compared to cohabiting couples. They also reported a more satisfying and healthier sex life than cohabiting couples.

Gender Differences & Same-Sex Attraction

         

            This week in class we talked a lot about gender differences. We watched a video called Men, Women, and the Sex Difference by John Stossel. In this video they explored the question of whether girls and boys are the same at a nature level. There are a lot of people that thought that the way we nurture our girls and boys is what makes them different, and if we treated them the same they would act the same. In the video they showed this was false, that some parents who tried to raise their kids gender neutral were finding certain differences coming out naturally like the way they played with toys. Girls would be more sensitive and cooperative while playing, while boys were more aggressive. In class we made a chart of some of the commonly found characteristics that are found in the majority for the different sexes. For girls we found that they are generally more compassionate, sensitive, expressive, and cooperative, while boys are generally more tough and aggressive. It was also found that girls’ brains are more connected, while guys are more segmented.  And girls are more relationship oriented and guys are more spatially and task oriented.  

            Another topic we discussed was same-sex attraction.  Just to clarify same-sex attraction refers to if someone has a romantic or sexual attraction to the same sex, while homosexual refers to someone who has acted on these attractions, and gay and lesbian is used more to define an identity.  We talked about the debate on whether people are really born having same-sex attraction. We looked over the studies that people cite in evidence of it, and found that the social scientist that conducted these studies never said their studies were positive proof and some of them describe the limits and flaws of their research.  If you would like to read more on this there is a book called: Understanding Same-Sex Attraction and Chapter 8 talks in-depth about these studies. 

            We then talked about a theory called “Exotic becomes Erotic” from a researcher named Bem. This theory talks about how your temperament leads to activity preferences, which later leads to the feeling of “I am different” from the gender you do not share much in common with. So for example if a boy had a more feminine temperament like maybe he liked to engage in more girl type activities like playing dolls or creating more than sports or being aggressive. That may lead to feelings of “I am different” from other boys. And he might have a deep desire to want to be accepted by the other boys, and not in a sexual way. And there are other factors like if a person is molested, that person is four times more likely to have same-sex attraction. Especially for boys, they feel like if they felt stimulated while they were molested, and if they had some of the other variables as well, they sometimes feel like they were always different, so maybe they do have same-sex attraction.

             I just found this image and thought it was interesting.

                                                                                               

Social Class, Culture, and Diversity

This week in class we discussed the many social groups that can influence families. These social groups can be anything from social class, to unique cultures to which we belong too. To explain culture we defined it as: beliefs, values, norms, tradition, and what you do. Social class is about money, the area in which you live, and/or perspective.  While sometimes we do not have a choice in choosing what social class we belong to, we do get to choose the culture. And in class Brother Williams said, “Not only do we get to choose the culture in our own families, we must choose.” I really liked this because sometimes we feel we have to follow in our parents footsteps exactly with how they raised us, but we can choose to do the good and maybe improve the flaws in their parenting style, and not repeat them with our own children.

We also discussed the diversity in families. There are so many different cultural ways to raise a family. We read in our book: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Robert H. Lauer, about how Hispanic families and African American families are regarded as two of the most family centered types of families in the U.S. We expound on Hispanics and how they often spend time not only with their nuclear families, but their extended families as well. We also read a document that talked about the tolls of illegal immigration can have on the family. How it can greatly impact the relationships in the family, and lead to different problems. The study we read made me want to make sure that when I raise my family, when it’s possible, to always spend as much quality time with my children as possible and establish close relationships with them.

 If you guys are interested in watching some great videos on social class in America the links are right here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8VXrHeLqBA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU5MtVM_zFs&feature=PlayList&index=0&list=PLC6D871A2A8C3C8EF

Family Systems

          This week in Family Relations we talked about the different theories social scientists use to guide their research and to explain intimate relationships. Among these theories are: exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, conflict theory, and systems theory.  For the most part we focused on the systems theory. The book we are reading out of called Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy by Robert H. Lauer says the following things about systems theory:

“As applied to intimate relationships, system theory asserts that the intimate group must be analyzed as a whole; the group has boundaries that distinguish it from other groups. Thus, particular people from the system have particular rules and roles that apply to their system. Furthermore, the group is also composed of interrelated parts or individuals. That is, the parts are not independent but influence each other and work together in such a way that the system tends to be maintained; outside influences generally cause minimal change. If the system is composed of there or more individuals (as in a family with children), various subsystems may arise (like parent and child may form a coalition against the other parent).  Although such subsystems may appear to be threatening, they actually end to maintain the system. For instance, a woman may remain in a marriage only because she and her child support and protect each other when the alcoholic husband and father becomes abusive. “

            We talked about how many family therapists use the systems model in their practice. They put this into action by making family maps. Family maps are used to get a picture of the degree and quality of interaction or connection between individuals, between family subsystems, and around the family.  The kinds of relationships are mapped out through different kinds of boundaries. The following boundaries symbols include:

Rigid boundaries: (little exchange of information or warmth), were drawn with a simple solid line”­­­­ (-----) between the different parties or around a subsystem.  (This simple diagram would suggest a husband and wife who are not very close: H|W). Rigid boundaries are also called closed or impermeable boundaries.

Permeable or clear boundaries (an appropriate or healthy degree and quality exchange of information or warmth) were drawn with a dashed line (- - - -). These might also be called reasonably- or appropriately-open boundaries. 

Poor or diffuse boundaries are indicated with a dotted line (. . . . .), suggesting that the boundaries are easily violated. These might also be called very open, overly-open, or unclear boundaries, as they fail to clearly define the boundaries between individuals or subsystems.

 Affiliation, or involvement between individuals or subsystems, is indicated by two parallel lines (====) run from one party (individual or subset) to the other.

Over involvement is indicated by three parallel lines, and indicates that there is too much exchange of information or behavior. Conflict is indicated by lines with an obvious break (---/ /---).

Detouring refers to the behavior of relating or responding to others via another.

We were challenged to make our own family systems map for a time frame that we determined.  This was particularly interesting or pivotal in the functioning of our family; like when we moved out, or perhaps when a family crisis occurred.  I would like to challenge anyone reading this to make their own family systems map, it really is an enlightening exercise, and can help you try to gain a deeper understanding of how different relationships in your family work. It can also help you to try and see if there are some things you can do to try and make some of these boundaries healthier.

Population Crisis

Through the many science classes I have taken, and through the media, I have been told that our world population is going to exceed the carrying capacity of the earth. I've also been told that this will cause many different problems, including global warming. This week, in my family relations class, I watched a video that contradicted this theory. There is evidence that we are actually going to experience a population decrease within the next 40 years. Some people might say this is a good thing, but this video pointed out why this could actually lead to a demographic winter.   

The main reason why the world is experiencing a population decrease is the drop in fertility rate. Fertility rate is defined by how many children a woman has in her lifetime. The current world fertility rate is about 2.47 children. The fertility rate that is required for replacement of the world population is 2.13. Now I know that you are probably thinking that is still more then we need for replacement, and that we would still be growing. However, research has shown that the fertility rate is decreasing each year. One example of this is, in nine years, the fertility rate has dropped from 2.6 to 2.47, that is a phenomenal drop for such a short period of time. If this pattern increases we'll be at the replacement level in about 24 years.  Some people may think this will never happen, because third world countries have tons of children, but as more of the third world countries are becoming more modernized we have seen a drop in their fertility rate as well.  In most of the first world countries, the fertility rate is already below the replacement rate.

Since the sixties, there have been people claiming that in the near future there would not be enough resources to support even four billion people on the earth and that millions would starve to death. Today there are over seven billion, and there are still plenty of resources to go around because of human capital. Human capital is the knowledge, skills or abilities possessed by individuals.  In other words, it is basic human resources. Humans have been coming up with new technologies to support themselves since the beginning of civilization. In the last two centuries more innovations have been made than any other time in history. It truly has been a great time for man! But human capital is in jeopardy with the population decrease.

Another problem pointed out with the population drop in fertility rate, is that less people will be in our work force to help support the retired population. 

I highly encourage anyone that reads this to not just take my word for it, but to do your own research. Come up with questions, and try to find your own answers. I will post the link to the video for you to have a starting point if you'd like. I've just touched on some of the information found in it. http://www.byutv.org/watch/59b6b917-984a-478f-93b1-521a647779c4/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-1

My name is Beccah and I am a student at BYU-Idaho. I am super excited this semester to be able to take and talk about the things I have learned in Family Relations on this blog. Hopefully sharing my knowledge with others will not only deepen my understanding, but touch some others as well.